8. Communicate.
Keep in mind that any surrogacy arrangement is quite an intense one, and, in addition, it can be stressful. That is why, to make your collaboration easier and more comfortable for both of you, you can (and you should) get to know your surrogate mother through e – mailing, letters, pictures, telephone conversations, and, finally a face – to p face interview with her. You should also make sure that you are in an agreement, which concerns all the major issues. Every topic, such as selective reduction, abortion, fees and expenses, as well as the amount of contract the surrogate mother will have to your child, in case if there are any, are all of high emotions, in addition, they are to be explored before any decision is made. That is why you are to listen closely and try to be as clear, as possible. Be honest about what you want from the relationship.
You should keep in mind that any misunderstanding can develop into a disaster. Make sure that a third – party is designated to be a mediator in case if you hit a snag somehow later on.
There is one more thing, which is just as well important, as everything mentioned above – it is communicating in a open way with your partner. Actually, it would even become a good practice for making decisions as well as for resolving issues, because your partner will become a parent of your future child as well. In case if you see no way to put something into words, you may write a letter to him or to her. In case if there are serious communication problems either between you and your partner, or between you and your surrogate mother, etc, you may consider counseling.
9. Take care of yourself!
Do not forget that you will be, of no doubt, faced with all the anxiety, which accompanies pregnancy period and childbirth. However, there will be all the additional worries of possible legal complications, unplanned for expenses, and the possibility that the surrogate mother will possibly have trouble letting your baby go. It will simply be necessary for you to get relaxed that is why you may get busy with yoga, meditating, running, bouncing a ball around the court, etc. In case if you have some other hobby, you should spend your free time doing it. However, you are to do it all intentionally. You should study yourself. Find out how you respond to stress. What are possible healthy ways of coping with it? What about your partner? How can you help one another to unwind? You may also find a surro – bubby online or somewhere in your community, someone else, who is going through the surrogacy experience at the same time you do, for mutual support of each other.
10. You are a pioneer!
You should not expect anyone to get as much excited, as you are, about you and your partner having a baby through a surrogacy arrangement. It may be helpful for you to decide beforetime how you will be telling as well as how much you are going to tell your friends, co – workers, even the members of your families and your relatives. Remember, that their reaction might not be as supportive as you would like it to be. That is why you should get ready to any reaction: be prepared to hear impolite, unkind and even homophobic words from people. Do not internalize these words, simply do not consider them to be about your. Once you have a child, you are no loner come first, as your child does. Remember, that your future child will also become a pioneer in his world. What are you going to tell him or her about his or her origins? How will you be able to help him or her to meet all the unique challenges with which he or she will be undoubtedly presented? What are you to do in order to create the loving and supportive environment your future baby will need to grow him or her happy and healthy from the medical as well as from the psychological point of view?
You should lay the groundwork; make provisions and gear up your courage. Remember that you and the perfect match of yours will soon meet. May your surrogate mother get pregnant easily and in no time, deliver a healthy baby safely, and settle in happily with your new little baby.
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