The family member, who agrees to become a Surrogate Mother has all the same personal evaluation process to go through with the aim of determining whether or not being a Surrogate Mother would become a positive experience in her life. The future Surrogate Mother and her husband / boyfriend need to consider both their feelings about this situation. It is necessary that both partners would feel equally committed to going through the surrogacy experience. The main reason of it is that the Surrogate Mother’s partner will have his life influenced upon just as much as the Surrogate Mother herself. In case if the Surrogate Mother needs to be at doctor’s visit, or on bed – rest, it is her male partner, who will find his duties within the household will change. Moreover, being a Surrogate Mother will influence the entire lifestyle of the family, beginning from sex life and up to their travel plans. The potential Surrogate Mother along with her husband / boyfriend needs to feel comfortable that this will not influence their child / children adversely.
This is quite a widespread situation, when two partners are in different places either from the point of view of emotions or in their concerns about taking part in the surrogacy arrangement. This issue can emerge very strongly with regard to the potential effects on the child / children.
Here come some questions, which may be useful to explore with some friend of family member, when the participation in the surrogacy arrangement is considered:
• Why do you want to become a Surrogate Mother?
• What relations with the child / children do you expect to have?
• How do you think, what you might feel in case if the procedure fails?
• Would you like to have any legal relationship with the baby / babies?
• Are there any expectations around having a fee for your becoming a Surrogate Mother?
• Have you ever had an opportunity to thoroughly discuss all the medical risks, which are associated with the procedure, medication and pregnancy?
• How does your husband / boyfriend feel about your desire to become a Surrogate Mother?
• How do the other members of your family and other relatives of yours feel about your decision to become a Surrogate Mother?
• How do you think becoming a Surrogate Mother might affect your child / children?
• Would your husband / boyfriend, if there is any agree to participate in counseling, if it is requested?
• Have you discussed all the risks, which are associated with the surrogacy procedure, as well as with the medications, you will have to take with your husband / boyfriend, if there is any?
• What do you think your decision to become a Surrogate Mother might influence the extended family?
• How do you understand the surrogacy procedure as it is?
• Is there any person, who will provide the support to you, which is necessary during the attempts?
• Are you aware of the possibility of a multiple pregnancy? How do you feel about this? How would you feel about the selective reduction procedure?
• Are there any people, with whom you have discussed your wish to become a Surrogate Mother? In case if there are, what are their reactions?
• Why do you think that you might become a good Surrogate Mother?
• What do you consider to be your strength and weaknesses?
• Are there any religious or ethical points of view, which might influence your decision to become a Surrogate Mother?
• Do you know that the legal issues, which surround surrogacy and parental right issues differ from state to state and from country to country?
• If it would be possible, would you like the publicity about your decision to become a Surrogate Mother?
• Is there anything meaningful about your relationship with the couple of the Intended Parents, which might have contributed to your decision to become a Surrogate Mother?
• How do you think your relationship with the Intended Parents might change?
• Whom would you like to know about your decision and whom you would not?
• What do you think the community reaction, the reaction of might be?
• Do you consider it helpful to discuss your decision to become a Surrogate Mother with your priest, rabbi, etc.?
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